You’re doing everything right.
Or at least it feels like it.
- You’re eating cleaner.
You’ve been more consistent with workouts.
You’ve cut back on alcohol, sleep’s a little better, and you’re actually trying.
And yet… the scale? Stuck.
The progress pics? Meh.
The energy and confidence? Not what you hoped for.
It’s frustrating as hell—especially when you’re genuinely putting in the effort.
And if you’re a gay man over 40? You’ve probably heard some version of “well, that’s just aging.”
Just because you’re getting older doesn’t mean results are out of reach. But it does mean the old rules probably don’t apply anymore.
Here’s what I want you to know—and what to actually do about it.
1. First: Take a Breath. You’re Not Broken.
This is important: your body isn’t failing you.
What is failing you? One-size-fits-all advice, 25-year-old influencer workouts, and nutrition plans that don’t account for your reality.
Progress after 40 isn’t about punishment—it’s about precision.
And it starts with replacing the narrative of “I need to fix myself” with “I’m ready to support myself.”
2. Check Your Consistency Blind Spots
Sometimes, the issue isn’t what you’re doing—it’s how consistently you’re doing it.
Are your meals balanced most of the week, or just Monday–Wednesday?
Are your workouts regular, or do they fall off when life gets busy (which is… always)?
And how often do you hit pause because of the “I blew it, so I might as well start over Monday” mindset? (I just wrote about this in more detail. See this article for more on how to reset without starting over.)
What helps: Start small. Habit stack. Choose a minimum you can stick to when motivation is low. Use photo journaling or a quick check-in tool to build awareness. Consistency beats intensity—especially after 40.
3. Stress + Sleep = Stalled Results
Stress is more than a mood—it’s a hormonal disruptor.
When cortisol stays high, testosterone can drop, metabolism slows, cravings spike, and fat loss (especially around the midsection) becomes a slog.
Many of us aren’t just stressed—we’re chronically stressed. Performance pressure. Aging in a youth-focused culture. Emotional labor. Emotional eating. Nightcaps to take the edge off.
What helps: Prioritize sleep. Blockthe news before bed. Lift heavy (it helps regulate cortisol and rebuild testosterone). Give yourself permission to slow down—without guilt.
4. Your Metabolism Might Be Fine—But It’s Not What It Was
After 40, your body doesn’t just burn through calories like it used to. Muscle mass naturally declines, and that affects everything from recovery to insulin sensitivity.
That doesn’t mean you’re doomed. It means you need to train and fuel smarter.
What helps: Prioritize compound strength moves (think squats, rows, presses). Rest and recover intentionally. Aim for 0.7–1g of protein per pound of bodyweight daily, and space it throughout the day. Ditch the 1,200-calorie mentality.
Example: Say you weigh 175 pounds. That means aiming for 125–175g of protein each day. To make that doable, aim for about 30–40g of protein at each meal, plus 10–20g from snacks.
That might look like:
- Breakfast: 3 eggs + ½ cup egg whites = ~35g of protein. Don’t like separating eggs? You can buy liquid egg whites in a carton at most grocery stores. Or, if you’re skipping yolks, that’s about 4–5 egg whites total. Want a swap? Try a breakfast sandwich with turkey bacon and a high-protein English muffin, or cottage cheese with berries.
- Lunch: Grilled chicken breast + quinoa + veggies = ~40g
- Afternoon Snack: A smoothie made with Greek yogurt, a scoop of protein powder, milk or a milk alternative, frozen blueberries, and a handful of baby kale = ~30g
- Dinner: Salmon + roasted vegetables + lentils = ~45g
Yes, it sounds like a lot of food—and it is. But it’s the kind of eating that fuels muscle, helps burn fat, and keeps cravings in check. Just make sure you’re not overdoing carbs or fats to compensate. Balance is key.
5. You’re Doing It Alone. That’s the Hardest Part.
How many times have you “started over”?
How many times have you thought this time will be different?
It’s hard to spot your own blind spots.
It’s even harder to stay motivated when you feel like your hard work isn’t paying off.
For many gay men, there’s something else at play: we’re used to going it alone. Whether from past rejection, fear of judgment, or just not seeing ourselves represented in the wellness world—it can be hard to reach out—even though we crave that connection and support.
What helps: A coach who gets you. A community that supports you. A plan that meets you where you are—not where someone else thinks you should be.
Key Takeaways
- Not seeing results doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means something’s being overlooked.
- Stress, sleep, consistency, and shifting hormones are all part of the picture.
- The “all or nothing” trap kills momentum. Progress comes from the messy middle.
- You don’t need to do more—you need to do what works for you.
- Coaching helps uncover the gaps, create a sustainable plan, and connect you with support.
Your Path to Real Results
You’ve tried doing it alone. Now try doing it with a coach who understands the unique challenges gay men over 40 face in getting sustainable fitness results.
I have a few spots open this month for 1:1 coaching. Book a free Start Your Journey call and let’s look at what’s going on—and what’s next.
Prefer to talk first? Email me with what’s been frustrating you most. I’ll reply personally. Or, send me a DM on Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn.
Let’s stop spinning wheels. Let’s build something real.
Healthy AF. Strong AF. You. Finally.